From despair to helping veterans, woman’s life comes full circle

Working at the Gilroy Veteran’s Hall is more than just a job to Patty Gutierrez.

It’s her way of giving back to the community who supported her 15 years ago when her husband, David Gutierrez, died in active duty in Afghanistan on Christmas Day.

“I’m serving the public and serving the community in a way that I couldn’t back then,” said Gutierrez, 51.

I recently had the pleasure of talking with Gutierrez at the South Santa Clara County Memorial District Building, which houses the Gilroy Veteran’s Hall on Sixth Street in Gilroy.

The building is a gathering spot for veterans who meet for weekly socials, Bingo games, and medical check-ups hosted by the VFW and American Legion.

As the rental manager for the building, Gutierrez rents out the hall for private events, including memorial services for veterans, and oversees the annual rental contracts with groups like the VFW and American Legion, who host monthly events and offer a multitude of services for veterans, including talking to veterans about their benefits.

“I love being here,” said Gutierrez, who stepped into the role in June.

Born in Long Beach, Gutierrez was raised in Sunnyvale. Her late husband, David, grew up in Gilroy and moved to South San Jose at an early age. Gutierrez said his mother went to school with some of the veterans who visit the hall now. The couple’s paths crossed at a club in Downtown San Jose when Gutierrez was 23.

“He was a bouncer,” she said, laughing. After dating for a few months, she said they were certain of their future together.

They were married in December 1996 and had three boys, who are now 18, 20, and 26.

David enlisted in October 1998 after their child was born. They settled in Fort Campbell, KY, where he had his first duty assignment. He was next stationed in Korea and Patty moved back to San Jose with her infant son to be close to family.

The day he was flying to return home was Sept. 11.

“That was terrible,” Gutierrez recalled.

His plane was detoured and landed in Japan, where he stayed for a few days before flying home. The couple were next stationed in Hawaii for “five wonderful years,” Gutierrez said, where their two younger sons were born. David was next deployed to Iraq for a year before returning home.

Then in October 2006, the family moved to Washington state, which was to be David’s last duty station. In July 2009, he was deployed to Afghanistan. He was killed in active duty Dec. 25, 2009. His funeral was in Gilroy Jan. 7, 2010 with his procession at the Gilroy Veterans Hall.

A year before he was deployed, the couple had their fourth child, a girl, who was stillborn. Her memorial also was held at the Veteran’s Hall. Gutierrez said her husband and their daughter are now buried together.

Gutierrez recognizes her full circle journey to the Veterans Hall and recalls how the support from the community after David’s death was overwhelming,

“I cannot even describe the amount of support. It was so touching,” she said.

Gutierrez opted to settle in Gilroy, buying a house and moving in June 2010.

A medical assistant from age 18, Gutierrez took an early retirement to raise her boys.

“I wanted to make sure they were stable,” she said.

She also cared for her mom full-time, who was living with Alzheimer’s Disease and dementia. She died in 2017.

Gutierrez went back to school in 2019 with the intention of earning her associates degree in social sciences. Then in 2022 she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

“That fall semester was a mess because of that. Little did I know that was the last of the classes I needed to take,” she said.

Gutierrez said she was pleasantly surprised to learn from her advisor that she had earned enough credits to graduate in May. She underwent surgery and radiation therapy in the beginning of 2023, recalling the therapy consisted of 20 sessions “every day for four weeks. It was pretty intense.”

“I spent my 50th birthday in radiation therapy. Two milestones. I think that was my second day of radiation,” she said.

In May, she crossed the stage at Gavilan to accept her degree. Soon after, Gutierrez launched her job search and started working at H&R Block. Then the job listing for her current position surfaced on her last day of work.

She recalled why she chose her major, which she expressed in an essay for one of her sociology classes.

“One of the things I said was I wanted to understand people, have a little bit more patience, and empathy, but I really wanted to work with veterans,” she said.

Having an opportunity to talk to veterans and help with memorials for veterans she finds the most rewarding parts of her job.

She said her children and finding a second chance at love motivate her each day. She and her partner have been together for 12 years.

“I wasn’t expecting it or looking for it … I honestly didn’t think it would ever happen again,” she said.

They first met when she was 18 and they dated before going their separate ways.

They reconnected on social media and he expressed how heartbroken he was for her after he heard the news. A lunch invitation eventually led to dinner dates.

”This is our second chance. When I say second chance I mean second chance with each other and for each of us to find a happy ending,” she said.

She said he also has children from his first marriage and believes their journey worked out the way it was meant to.

“All of our children were supposed to be created. We had to part ways for that. There’s really no regret from our first time around,” she said.

When asked what advice she would you give to other women, she said that she used to have unrealistic expectations of what a girl boss is supposed to be and following one’s dreams.

“It wasn’t my dream to have my husband die and work with veterans because of it. That’s not something you expect to do,” she said.

Wherever you’re at and whatever you’re doing, she said, do it with passion and love.

“Do it because you want to be there, not because there’s a paycheck behind it, and it’s something you have to prove,” she said.

She looks around her office, listening to the veterans visiting just outside her door.

“I love my job because I get to do this,” she said.

For more information about the South Santa Clara County Memorial District Building, visit https://www.sscvmemorialdistrict.org/.

Kelly Barbazette is a freelance writer who has lived in Gilroy for more than 20 years.